Monday, June 22, 2009

the rabbit, the bat, and the reindeer

Well how was your Monday? We made it through and still alive so it couldn't have been that bad. I can't believe it's June 22nd already... where is time going anymore? It's just a fight to get through each week to get to that sweet day we call Friday. Then we switch hats and the eagle flies (on fridays). I know that that's all I look forward to. Especially this coming weekend for me - I'm heading to New York City to visit with friends, see Dr. Dog perform in the park (!!!!), and get down in my old stomping grounds. Speaking of getting down in old stomping grounds I did some of this this past weekend in the Lanc. We laughed (go suck a bag of dicks), we cried (fucking exgfs), and did jagerbombs (mmmmmm). I had a good time and am starting to feel quite content with my life lately. I am proud to say that I'm getting in a good place at the moment and I'm going to just keep riding the wave to see where it takes me next. I'm starting to get antsy a little bit to see where life leads me and what the next place to explore is. I guess I should finish exploring this current city before I move on to the next one. For everything my dad has done for me this year I kind of dicked him over on Father's Day and I feel kind of bad about it. I think he knows it's good and we've had some chances to hang out and I've had some chances to express my gratitude so I think he knows. I got my parents tickets to see Hitchcock's Psycho with a live orchestra next month so I think they should enjoy that.

Sorry Dad.
You know I think you're the shit.

and if we got hip, to the end of the road
will you be there, to carry my load?
im getting it back with that terrible feeling
my vision is cracked but it looks like its healing
im getting it back like its four in the morning
when the sun only shines cause its been given a warning
im getting it back with the rest of the leap year
im keeping the rabbit, the bat, and the reindeer
im getting it out whatever i got to keep in
im telling the truth and it dont win with pretend.
should we pretend?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Long Time No See......

Okay so I guess I should start off with an apology and let you know that I've missed talking to you. The last week has been pretty hectic and I haven't really had a chance to chat and give you my minutia daily updates of my life. I know I can tell you are soooo bummed, hahhaa. Unfortunately I must admit that a lot of my distractedness and business has involved or stemmed from drinking alcohol. Haha yes yes it's true - I cannot tell a lie. I've drank every night for the last week. Tonight was going to be my night to veg out at home and not touch any alcohol but that has proven to be a futile attempt; the good news is that I just had some dinner and a beer or two and then bowed out early from the trivia shananigans. But yes anyway so you want a recap of my last week so I can explain why I was so busy and why I drank so much so often??

Last Wednesday: Met this girl for a drink and some apps in Hampden (hip area at this cool cafe).
Last Thursday: Associate happy hour (work gathering)
Last Friday: Hung out with a new friend (bergeoning and exciting new thing...ttyl about it)
Saturday: Surprise birthday party for my sister's fiancee (whole keg, lots of liquor....)
Sunday: Came right home from Philly and hung out with a new friend/work buddy at Nick's fish house which is this cool spot I'd never been to before with great atmosphere, good looking women, and cold beers.
Monday: Softball practice (out for drinks afterwards)
Tuesday (yesterday): First softball game, WE WON!!!! I went 4-for-4 and played awesomely. I also brought a cooler full of beer and then we went out afterwards with some team members.
Wednesday (today): Just grabbed some dinner and a few beers with my sister, her friend, and another friend of ours.

So there you go, I told you I wasn't lieing. So it's kind of ironic because just last week I told myself that I was going to detox and not drink for awhile....funny how things work out don't they? So now I'm back at home sitting in my room, candle glowing, and I have Postal Service spinning on the turntable, god i love this album....

Life has been treating me very well lately and I have nothing to complain about. I have new friends in my life, new women making appearances, getting out and seeing new places, starting to feel a sense of belonging and comfort in where I live and what I'm doing [not necessarily with work though....]. I am very content at the moment. Let's hope things keep slowly continuing in the upwards direction which has axis(s) of fun and happiness.

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

things that are ephemeral

The cars and freeways implore me to stay way out of this place
My mother said just keep your head and play it as it plays

I somehow see what's beautiful in things that are ephemeral
I'm my only friend, am I?
Love is just a piece of time
in the world
in the world
And I couldn't help but fall in love again
No I couldn't help but fall in love again...

Polaroid Rain storm

Okay so I didn't recap my day on Sunday. I didn't even really take any pictures either. There was nothing really too too exciting that I felt that urge to take it's picture. In spite of everything I just said I had a good time. It was a pretty small event: artist's with their own stands/tents selling their art, some live music, some food stands, lots of sunshine because it was gorgeous out, and a ride there and home in the back of the convertible. I got lots of color on my skin and came home to softball practice in the park where I ran around and threw balls around. All in all it was a pretty good weekend.

It's Tuesday now and soon will be Wednesday. Which is one step closer to Thursday which is the first of the Fundays. Thursday is an associate happy hour which I organized for all the local associates working in the area. Tonight is my first softball game at 9pm in the park - hopefully it doesn't get rained o
ut. Tomorrow night I think I'm playing kickball. So it seems there a bit more going on in my life which is good. I have some more people that I talk to at work so that is helping to make the time go by and more enjoyable. It's not quite the same as before but it's making me content.

I don't really know what else is going on though really. Work is pretty time consuming and effort intensive. I have this urge to travel but I'm also trying really hard to not spend any money. I want to visit friends so badly but have been holding back for lack of money or the guilt of misusing current funds being earned. I think hopefully if I hold out a bit longer all of this stinginess will pay off in being able to knock out some CC debt and get back on track. I'd also like to be able to help out with paying for my sister's wedding...

Today at work someone came and broke into a bunch of cars in the parking lot. Wha??? I know. Why would someone come to a business park during the day and break into cars? I guess because we're so unsuspecting of the crime. My subaru was not touched so I was happy about that. I think the criminal was just looking for stuff to grab and I didn't have anything but CD's laying around in my car so I was home free. Go
od thing I keep my car clean. I am not exactly where I'd like to be at this stage in my life but you can't really have everything the way you'd like it and I don't know, it could be worse? That's definitely true. I am alone. That's definitely true. I'm hoping to if not find a long-term solution then find a short-term resolution to the problem. It was pouring buckets this morning on my way to work and traffic was going mad slow and it took me about twenty-five minutes longer to get in. It was kind of enjoyable at first but then it became quite annoying.

I get really excited when a storm comes and during the thunderstorms. It fills me up inside with this excitement that is hard to describe. It kind of takes you out of your normal routine of where you always are and then adds this energy to the air that invigorates me. It gets me all excited inside with what is to come and to see the lightening, hear the rain, and feel the thunder. :::update::: I am now writing this at home but just as I was leaving from work the sky was all kinds of dark and it started pouring, lightening, and thundering. It was perfect - I was just talking about that. So now I'm home sitting at my desk, I can hear the rain dropping outside and I have my door open letting in all that cool stormy air, I just threw on The Shins Oh Inverted World and have a candle lit next to me. It's pretty nearly perfect and making me happy at the moment. I took a picture on my drive ho

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Softball Practice Tonight at PP

I'm going to an art fest today in a place I've never been to before so it should be interestingly fun. It is a gorgeous day outside so I will be soaking in the rays and increasing my tan. I am proud to say that I think I have successfully kicked my ailment but am definitely eating/drinking on the cautious side. I've been thinking about since I haven't had a cig or a beer (lie I had one last night) since Tuesday and not really much food I'm going to try and detox myself. You know, use this as a springboard to try and eat better, not drink as much, lose some weight, feel better which will make me look better or at least I'll think I look better and then I will feel better. It's a cyclical process which I will hopefully will be jump starting. Happy ever after in the marketplace Desmond lets Molly lend a hand...

Last night I checked out a new area of Baltimore that I'd never been to before. It's slightly north of where I live and is kind of an interesting area. I heard from someone that it was kind of like Williamsburg and I might be meeting up with someone there soon so I wanted to take it in and check it out and have something in my mind beforehand. Plus I just wanted to see if it was like Williamsburg. It was..... kind of. On a much minor scale. It was basically just like one strip of stuff. But there seems to be a lot of cool stores, restaurants and the like on it. There is definitely a hipster vibe and I had a drink (my one beer) at this really neat and hipsterish cafe that I will be going back to. I wish I had money for art. I wish I had money for a lot of things. Oh well - everyone says that right? Alas I complain, I try not to complain as little as possible but it's so fucking hard sometimes. You know? It just comes out like annoying word vomits that are irresistabley delicious and evil.

I will take pics of cool art pieces (don't know what to expect so I will investigate, take pics, soak it in and recap later...).

bye for now.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

“And by the way,
everything in life is writable about
if you have the outgoing guts to do it,
and the imagination to improvise.
The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”

-Sylvia Plath

Meadowlake Street

No lie but I just awoke from a thirteen hour nap. it's 7:16am now on Saturday morning so basically I got into bed as soon as I got home from work yesterday. I've been battling food poisoning conditions the last few days and it hasn't been fun. I'm feeling much better now so hopefully everything is in the past. Thank goodness it's Saturday and I have today and tomorrow to relax.

I've been really enjoying albums by two different artists lately. These artists are both eccentric in their own styles and their albums are quite out there at times. The artists I speak of are Tom Waits and The Books. The latter only have three albums while Tom has a ton. I've gotten the majority of Tom's albums and they are all fantastic in their own write. (get it?!?). The Books albums are just so fascinating in the way they are put together and the samples are used to create sounds, a story, and a meaning. If you've never heard of The Books and you have an open mind to listen to new things and examine it - I totally recommend it.

I'm feeling so rejuvenated at the moment. I've had this headache that has been lasting for days and I think it's finally gone for good. I'm having my morning coffee listening to the books with my door to the porch open and it's only 7:30am on a Saturday! I haven't had a sip of alcohol since Tuesday and that feels good too. I don't think I've had a cigarette since Tuesday either. I also haven't had food stay down since Tuesday either so I need to be careful what I eat. Work is becoming blah. It's true. It seems as if I've stopped moving forward and am stuck in some strange land of dumb projects and meaningless tasks. Overlooked, underappreciated, eh I guess that's why it's called work right? In the end it's a steady paycheck so I can't complain.

Today is a milestone: the first day it hasn't rained in like 6 days! I guess we'll see how the whole day shapes up but I think we're not supposed to be getting any. I want to check out the downtown area today. I wnat to go disc golfing but because of all the rain I think that's going to be a muddy mess.

I'm buzzing like a jar full of lightening bugs
Walking through a star field covered in lights

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hey Jealousy

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway Ive got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best Id ever had
If I hadnt blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy

And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you dont expect too much from me
You might not be let down
Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadnt blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy

She took my heart
Theres only one thing I couldnt start

Hey envious. I have a memory of a short conversation I had with an old man that I will probably never forget. I was photographing in the park near my house with my big 4x5 camera. I was in a wooded area with coniferous trees around me, earlier in the morning, sunlight casting through the pine needles on the bed of wilted brown needles that had fallen from the trees prior. I was in the middle of making my composition when I could tell from my peripheral vision that someone was watching me from behind. I turned to look and there was an older man with a head of gray looking intently in my direction. I casually started talking to the man about photography, my camera, life, etc. He said to me "I'm very jealous of you". This is because I was getting into classic photography with the in depth knowledge of exposure and development at such an early age. After he said this he quickly corrected himself and said "I take that back, I am envious of you. Jealousy is something that you use to describe someone you hate, envious is for someone you like and respect".

I don't know why but that phrase from the gray old man has never left me. It probably never will. I enjoyed talking with him and he made me feel better about myself, what I was doing, and the type of person I was. I don't necessarily mean to say the person I was but I'm not exactly the same person. I think I have the same morals, respect, maturity, but I lack some enthusiasm and vigor that I had at the time. It's one of those things that you say "oh I'll get that back as soon as I start doing this or that" - but do you? Do I? Not yet. I keep talking about it. You can only talk so much before you don't start believing yourself. That's where things start to really go down hill. I am not at that point yet and I'm going to try to not do that. I'm still young and have many years to do the things I want. I can't keep saying that to myself though because then you keep repeating, "oh I'll do it tomorrow" but tomorrow never comes, does it?

I have laughed many times in the last few days. It's excellent. I am feeling better about life at the moment. I think I am starting to form some new friendships that will hopefully yield pleasant times in the land of pleasant living.

Do you dissect music in your head into all the different components and analyze each part?

me either.