Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Its been a rough one. By that I mean this week. I don't want to complain so I won't. I'll just suffice it as to say it's been kind of a shit week so far and I'm going to be optimistic and say that it can only get better. Several different fronts are very difficult lately and I don't know, sometimes it seems everything can be going wrong, today was one of those days. But I've survived and will sleep tonight to start it again early in the morning tomorrow. Tomorrow, ah yes, my Wednesdays. I will continue working in production and then follow it with a healthy dose of my second job serving customers beverages and food. But like I said I'm not going to complain, it could be a lot worse. I am super excited to have off Friday and NYC will be my saving grace, light at the end of the tunnel, prize, or what have you. We all have to have weeks like this some time or another so it's just my chance to get it out of the way I guess. Like I said before it's a transition period and it takes time, time, time... it's difficult and I don't like it but it's happening, it has to happen, and the time has to come sometime and that time is now, time... time... time...

Lately it's just been that question in my head "what am I doing?" "where am I going and what is laying ahead of me?" The seasons change and so do we, that's a song lyric, what song is it??

I don't really have a lot to say, I'm just hanging on to what I've got at the moment to survive my life at the moment. It's been about a year since I've started this blog and I still don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if it gets read, and I'm not sure if that's a big concern for me. Sometimes it can be difficult, sometimes it's like well am I doing this for me or do I feel like I need to do a post tonight because I haven't done one in a few days and they are wondering why I'm giving them the cold shoulder. Haha I doubt that's it at all. It's still a place for relief, a place for artistic spewing or something, and I guess just a place that I can call my own and do with whatever I please. If you want to read it then I'm glad. If not, then, it's okay too. Right now it's 7:27pm and I'm listening to Rubber Soul remastered on mono, thinking about how I need to eat something, drinking an oktoberfest bier, and well, thinking about how I need to get up mad early tomorrow to continue production. I just threw on my song... well I guess it will forever now be my song because it's emblazened on my arm permanently, and you know it as the name of this place. Tomorrow Never Knows ..... fool. I'm just typing anymore, and I don't think I've had a meaningful post in a while. It's like mostly just a life update kind of a place. Every now and then I have something to say, or at least something I think is important to say. Tonight at work I made a pot of coffee around 5 o'clock to keep us going and continue into the evening with what we were doing. I don't know exactly what went wrong (considering I've made lots and lots of pots of coffee in my lifetime....) but something went wrong and there were coffee grounds and shit in the coffee, it was terrible. AND while I was brewing the coffee it was like leaking all over the counter and I had to sop it up with a paper towel, and in the end, it tasted like shit anyway, so there weren't even any rewards to reap. That was just like the icing on the cake of a shit day when you know things aren't going your way and god just wanted to let you know that the day was shitting on you and you aren't even able to enjoy a nice refreshing cup of coffee because nothing will be going right. Fortunately, things are going right at the moment. I'm at home, I have norwegian wood on and I've got a tasty sam adams oktoberfest in my quip's mug. On that note I'm going to try and russle up some dinner and probably pass out not too long after.

I hope you've enjoyed this intelectual and meaningful post. And I think I'm having trouble spelling at the moment because there's lots of red dotted lines under words that I think are words. So suck it trebek.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sooooo it happened, I did it. I went last night by myself and got it done. They actually went exactly off a quick mock-up I did in Photoshop; they transposed it onto my arm and then the artist just went over it. I'm happy with it, thank god, right? Hahaha. It's been a rainy weekend and I haven't really done a whole lot. Actually to be honest the only thing I really did do this weekend was work my shift at the bar and get a tattoo. I guess that could sound like a lot but it wasnt really. I caught up on sleep and was good and didn't go out to bars and spend a lot of money. Instead I just spent a lot of money on getting ink permanently burnt into my skin.

Today I'm heading to my sister's house to spend some time with fam and watch football games with my future brother-in-law Pete (the other one). Soooo yah yah, next weekend is New York and I am absolutely excited for that. Ecstatic, pumped, I don't know if there's a word to describe it really? I've been really enjoying the remastered mono Beatles albums. It's been a huge Beatles kick lately, not that that's a surprise or anything.

I am enjoying my iced coffee and listening to the beatles, playing around on my macbook, and waking up from my golden slumbers. We are leaving in about a half hour so I'm going to get my shiz together for the rainy road trip.


We were talking
about the space between us all

And the people
who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion

Never glimpse the truth
then it's far too late
when they pass away.

We were talking
about the love we all could share
when we find it

To try our best to hold it there
with our love

With our love
we could save the world
if they only knew.

Try to realize it's all within yourself
No one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small,
And life flows on within you and without you.

We were talking
about the love that's gone so cold
and the people,

Who gain the world and lose their soul
They don't know
they can't see
are you one of them?

When you've seen beyond yourself
then you may find, peace of mind,

Is waiting there...

And the time will come when you see
we're all one, and life flows on within you and without you.

Friday, September 25, 2009

TGIF on a rainy, cool Friday morning, September 25, 2009. I am filled with all these different feelings / emotions / things that bring me up and bring me down. It's a transition period at the moment which is always difficult and when going through it, you tend to drag your feet, for change is always difficult. In the end you realize it was the right move and glad you did it. it's 9:21am and I am getting ready to leave for a learning seminar and will be back after lunch... will finish up with some things on my mind later .... wish me luck.

..... okay so it's now 12:44am at night, where I started this post this morning. So the seminar went alright, we were kind of thrusted into this very tiny group of people get presented to about a specific product. You know, as if we were like, potential clients of purchasing this expensive equipment. But it went fine, and killed a better part of the morning so that's fine. Enough about work really though, I'm really just kind of in a grind with that place right now, I feel like my relationship with it is not doing so well at the moment. It gets really frustrating. But like I said, enough about work. On another note that I an ecstatic about, Brandon sent me the newly remastered Beatles Mono Box Set last night and I have been enjoying it thoroughly!!! So many of the songs are different and sound so spectacular, I love it. This is the box set:

It's been kind of a lazy night as I unwind from the work week and ease into the weekend. I have work in the morning, had plans to go out for drinks with a couple of buddies but ended up not going. I took a nap tonight and slept for a while. Now I am up listening to The Beatles, watching Mash episodes, and talking to you. I'm a little foggy at the moment and have a lot on my mind so it's difficult right now to get the words out. My intentions were to just get on here and finish up this post because I knew I started it this morning and didn't want you on the edge of your seat waiting for it. Hahaha, rightttttttt.

OK nite.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

It is 12:24 on a Wednesday afternoon at the office. I am eating a sandwich alone in my cubical, listening to Ray LaMontagne, and well, that's really about it. I guess that pretty much sums it up. When I finish eating I will be moving furniture around; accommodating new assignments and desk locations. The office is quite somber today for several different reasons... and I don't like it. I'm not even sure what else to say; I have to work tonight right after work so it's kind of just, like, one of those days I guess that everyone speaks of. I look forward to saying goodnight to this day and starting fresh tomorrow with smiles instead of frowns, and laughter instead of yelling, or silence. Tensions have been high in the building lately and it reflects a lot of things going on with the business, and the work. One thing to say is that we're not looking for work, so that's a good thing. Why am I talking about work? I guess because the thing I would really like to be talking about and that is on my mind is something I don't want to talk about on here...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Yes yes, Tuesday afternoon... mid day of mid week. Just got out of a lunch meeting and have a few minutes before another meeting at two. I definitely now know what I'm doing and where I'm going in my position at my company. This is a relief and something to look forward to as well. I don't think necessarily the job description of my new permanent temporary position is all that appealing but I will be actually doing something and contributing back to the company in a positive way and that is the most important thing right now. That and having something I'm definitely doing day in and day out, it keeps you sane and makes the workday go by quicker.

It is September 22nd already, holy snap. Yesterday was the official start of Autumn and I welcomed it with open arms. It was a perfect night out on the roof as I soaked in the cool air and read from my new books. I listened to The Beatles, roasted potatoes from my Dad's garden, and went to sleep early. Things have been pretty good lately; I feel like I've brought my life down to a pretty good point where it's simple and rejuvenating. I spend most of my time at work; either a printer or a bartender. The extra job has created a financial cushion that has been much needed. I can't even begin to tell you how much it has made my life better. And you know what? I've found myself spending less even as I'm making more. Although I've reached points lately where the money has been burning holes in my pockets... looking for places to spend it. Don't worry though, it's not just because I want to spend it but it's things I've wanted for awhile. One of those being a tattoo! It almost happened on Sunday afternoon.... unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I didn't like the sketches the artist was coming up with so I decided to take a second thought and do a bit more research and thinking. Also maybe I need to find another tattoo parlor to make happen what I'm looking for. So... needless to say I haven't been spending so much so things have been good. Relief has been flooding me because I've been able to comfortably pay bills, catch up on some debt, etc. It's been a huge relief. I've been feeling very relieved lately.

I am particularly excited for NYC next next weekend. I haven't been to the city in a while and this time of year has been reminding me of when I moved last year. Oh the excitement! Now we are a year later, a lot has changed, and I'm still alive and well. I am in a much better place - stable, moving forward confidently employed and in good health, happy and content for the moment. The near future holds a big change with regards to job description and lo
cation so that is enough to keep me excited and cure my travel bug and need to try new things and go to new places.

I've been listening to an album that is near and dear to me and I think the season helps to make that happen... and the album is The Zombies - Odyssey and Oracle. Greaaaat album, cool album cover:

On that note I gotta get back to work... blah TTYL.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Good morning,

It is a gorgeous morning here in Baltimore, MD, as it is probably many other places too. I'm up at 8am on a Saturday morning which actually feels pretty nice. I did not have a big night last night so thus is the reason why I am talking to you now. Alright lets be honest, I think I was in bed and asleep before 10pm, haha. Right now I'm out on the porch with an iced coffee, my macbook, and my door open to my room with a vinyl spinning. I have to head to the bar later this morning to work the afternoon. I'm looking forward to it... I'll be able to open the barn-door windows we have in the front of the place and let the nice cool air in and just hang out. It's a good shift because it's pretty relaxed, I run the place by myself, and the money is decent for not really doing all that much. Tonight I have a date with Casey and I believe we're trying out this new restaurant that I heard about called Geckos which is supposedly a pretty legit Mexican place here in the city.

This week has been an alright week, you know the feeling. Another week at work, another week down the drain, with another one exactly the same right behind it. I remember when I first started working full time; you really have to get used to and get over the fact that you are walking into the same building week after week nearly doing the same thing. It's tough to swallow sometimes. After working a job for a while I always start to get that itch to be doing something else somewhere else. I just hit my six month mark and as of late I have been getting that feeling. I've realized it's okay though because in about four months I'm leaving for Texas which will totally turn around my world.

You know what today reminds me of? The cool crisp air with the bright sun takes me back to playing soccer. Oh how long ago and a different life does that feel. It's funny how distant things can feel as time goes on. It's like a past life that I was living. I feel like a totally different person living a different life. But I am the same person - just different, I don't know. I don't think it's bad, nor good, probably more on the good side though. When I was younger I never really had specifically in my mind where I wanted to go and what I would want to be doing so there was really no expectation. I find myself in the same situation now too. At work, my mentor wants me to create goals, a game plan as to how to reach those goals, and then a timeline on when I would like to achieve them. That is a really difficult thing for me to do because I don't know where I want to go or want to be doing, really. I know somewhat but not enough to actually create a plan out of it. I'm one of those people who likes to take things as they go and see what opportunities arise from that. Being spare of the moment and taking things as they come is my motto; creating goals and timelines is the anti-motto. So I don't know man.

I received another one of the books in the mail earlier this week, as you can see, very well. It's actually kind of chilly out here when you sit for a while. I'm wearing shorts, flip-flops, and a long sleeve tshirt that I've been wearing since like high school. Ugh, you know whats funny? Atleast for me: somedays I feel totally confident in what I'm doing and others I take a look at myself and wonder what the hell am I doing? I guess thats the whole point and dilemma of becoming an adult and in your mid-twenties. I feel at the moment I'm quite content, or should be quite content, if I take a step back and look at where I am and my current situation. I think that's always the important thing; to be able to remove yourself from the day-to-day minutia BS and take a look at really where you are, your current situation, and the fact that you really do have a lot. And when I do that I am happy and thankful. In all honesty it could be a lot worse. Actually I learned in my one sociology class that basically the life I am living now is better than 95% of the rest of the people in the world. I have a fridge / cabinets full of food. I live in a safe, nice area. I live in a nice house with amazing amenities. I have a job (two jobs homes), clothes (abundance of clothes if you look at it right, and yet I still make mention the fact that I haven't gone clothes shopping in extended months), a car (that looks and runs very well), and you know everything on Maslow's hierarchy; except for self-realization. So in all I am happy to be me.

On that note I'll get some more coffee and maybe have some breakfasts.

I hope whoever reads this will think about those things I said at the end of this post and put your life in perspective too to realize how well you have it too. Then today should be an amazing day for you too; because it's gorgeous outside and you deserve it.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

photos from deviantart.com

I received a few of the books I ordered! I'm out on the porch trying to decide which one to start first. It is a gorgeous Sunday afternoon in Baltimore, MD. I have the Fleet Foxes spinning on the vinyl, an iced coffee keeping me company, and my m*a*s*h t-shirt on that I discovered while at home last weekend. I am very glad to be alive at this moment in time. It's so comfortable outside right now, I love it. I got to see one of my favorite peoples this weekend while I spent some time in Lancaster and that individual is my old roommate Nick; he's the best. It was so nice to catch up with him and hang out. I can only hope that there will be more times like that in my future.

I think I might do some cooking later but I'm not sure what to make. I like to make some things over the weekend and then I can use them to pack for work during the week. I've continued to be conscious of my eat / drink but swayed a little last night and this afternoon; all in good form though. I'm so excited to sit out here on the deck and enjoy one of my new books. It's the little pleasures in life that get me excited. I just got home from being away so I'm in a happy place because I'm freshly showered, have vinyls spinning on the turntable, my new autumn candle burning in my room, my door wide open to my room to let the day inside, and just the most beautiful day I could ask for. I also have my new books, my macbook, and lots of cash in my pocket / room from bartending this weekend. Life is very good at the moment. I'm sure through the next mornings I will be saying otherwise when it's raining and I'm at work but it's moments like this that make it all worthwhile.

We tried to see Iron & Wine last night at a christian college near Harrisburg last night and we made it there but the show was sold out and the dudes wouldn't let us inside. So we hung out outside the doors and listened to the show from there. He sounded amazing. Basically the experience convinced me that I need to go see him when I actually have tickets and can be inside and see him.

I'm going to start one of my books and enjoy the day.

I hope you enjoy yours as well.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Fame is but a fruit tree
So very unsound.
It can never flourish
‘til its stock is in the ground
So men of fame
Can never find a way
‘til time has flown
Far from their dying day

Forgotten while you’re here
Remembered for a while
A much updated ruin
From a much outdated style

Life is but a memory
Happened long ago
Theatre full of sadness
For a long forgotten show
Seems so easy
Just to let it go on by
‘til you stop and wonder
Why you never wondered why

Safe in the womb
Of an everlasting night
You find the darkness can
Give the brightest light
Safe in your place deep in the earth
That’s when they’ll know what you were truly worth
Forgotten while you’re here
Remembered for a while
A much updated ruin
From a much outdated style

Fame is but a fruit tree
So very unsound
It can never flourish
‘til it’s stock is in the ground
So men of fame
Can never find a way
‘til time has flown
Far from their dying day

Fruit tree, fruit tree
No-one knows you but the rain and the air
Don’t you worry
They’ll stand and stare when you’re gone

Fruit tree, fruit tree
Open your eyes to another year
They’ll all know
That you were here when you’re gone

Nick Drake
Fruit Tree

It's September 10th already! I can definitely tell it's starting to fade out of summer and into the autumn months. The nights are coming sooner and the air is becoming more crisp. I can sleep at night with my window open and the central air has been off for a week or two. I'm wearing my new hoodie with shorts and flip-flops out on my deck drinking an iced coffee. It's overcast and kind of chilly. The change of season is welcoming to me because of its inherent ways of changing other aspects of daily life that surrounds it. I've been working some more shifts at the HSC and that's been going really well; I worked last night (but it was pretty slow) and I picked up a shift bartending tomorrow night. I still have my day bartending shift Saturday as well. It's really nice to have some more money coming in... especially since it's all cash pretty much. I think what I'm going to do is create a cash stash drawer and just put all of my money from tips into that and let it pile up. I will try not to touch it as much as possible and just continue my spending/paying bills as I normally would on my regular salary. After a while I will gather it all together and deposit it into my savings and use it to pay off some more debt in a lump sum.

Monday was Labor Day and I headed home for a family gathering. We had a clam bake up at my Grandmother's and it was a really nice day; I hadn't been home in a while so it was comforting and made me feel good. This work week has been just okay due to a state of stagnant job description as I'm in between rotations or duties. It's a little frustrating but allows for flexibility on a daily basis. Other than that things have been pretty good I'd say. The Beatles came out with their entire catalog remastered on box set in digital and mono versions. They're a few hundred dollars so I'm waiting out that purchase for a while. I definitely want to invest in it though, I hear the sound is pretty amazing.

I splurged and ordered some used books off of amazon the other day. I think I ordered like four, none of them have arrived yet though. I've been continuing trying to eat healthier and live better but sometimes it's difficult! Like going straight from my day job to working at the HSC can get tough when you're looking for some quick grub while working the bar. I guess the fact that I'm conscious of it at all is really a step in the right direction. I haven't been really drinking much either, which is good.

To get into the fall spirit I made a batch of split pea soup the other night. Man I haven't made that in a long time (probably since last Winter) and the smell totally brought me back to when I was living in Brooklyn... I used to make that soup all the time for my roommates and I. The weather lately has reminded me of when I moved to NYC last year. I remember hanging out in my room there with the windows open and the sounds of the city wafting in while doing this or that. Now it's the same except a different city. It's funny how things work and as time passes where it takes you. I still miss my NY friends dearly as well as the city and everything crazy wonderful about it. I miss walking down the street with headphones in jumping from subway to subway getting my way up town and downtown to do whatever it is I was doing. Another thing that now that fall is here has changed is my music that I listen to. I mean it hasn't changed all that much but just slightly. Nick Drake didn't find too too much rotation during the summer months but is popping up more and more now. As a throwback to last fall I put a pic from shortly after I moved to NYC last year.

That's all I have for now, getting chilly out on the deck....

Monday, September 7, 2009

Happy Labor Day!

This morning getting ready to head to my parents house I had my iTunes on random and this song popped up and made me incredibly happy. So my post for the day will be the song I was listening to except the actual video of it.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Load the car and write the note.
Grab your bag and grab your coat.
Tell the ones that need to know.
We are headed north.

One foot in and one foot back.
But it don’t pay to live like that.
So I cut the ties and I jumped the track.
For never to return.

Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I’m in?
My hands they shake, my head it spins.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

When at first I learned to speak.
I used all my words to fight.
With him and her and you and me.
Ahh, but it's just a waste of time.
Yeah it’s such a waste of time.

That woman she’s got eyes that shine.
Like a pair of stolen polished dimes.
She asked to dance I said it’s fine.
I’ll see you in the morning time.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I’m in?
My hands they shake, my head it spins.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Three words that became hard to say.
I and Love and You.
What you were than I am today.
Look at the things I do.

Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I’m in?
My hands they shake, my head it spins.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.
Are you aware the shape I’m in?
My hands they shake, my head it spins.
Ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in.

Dumbed down and numbed by time and age.
You’re dreams that catch the world the cage.
The highway sets the travelers stage.
All exits look the same.

Three words that became hard to say.
I and Love and You.
I and Love and You.
I and Love and You.

- The Avette Brothers

I have an entire day to myself today. I'm really happy about this fun fact and it is much needed. Yesterday I worked at the HSC and ended up opening and closing... which means I worked a 16 hour shift! That first pic is probably really heard to read but it's my sign in / out slip. So it's proof that I did it. Of course the second pic is me with my money bags. It's so nice out today... I am sitting in my room with my door to the deck wide open and a breeze coming through my room. So that song I put lyrics to up there is a song my dad told me about and I really like it. Not just because he talks about Brooklyn but you know some of the lyrics are pretty poignant to my mindset as well. There are some things that I always try to lead my life by and I always like when other people express these things and they are like me too. Like when he says "One foot in one foot back, it doesn't pay to live life like that. So I jumped the track never to look back". You gotta be sure of yourself - some self confidence or an attitude of just doing something can go a long way. I'd rather go ahead and do something and make a mistake then not do it at all. I hate when people lolly-gag around and can't make decisions. I find myself being the executive decision maker a lot of the time because no one else wants to do it. It can really put you ahead... even if you make a wrong decision, at least you went for it and felt confident about what you were doing. Also I like and feel strongly about the lyrics "When at first I learned to speak I used all my words to fight, with him and her and you and me, ahhh but it's just a waste a time, just a waste of time." So true. Gorgeous song check it out.

I'm going to go enjoy my day. I hope you do the same.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Yesterday I was walking home from getting some food and had a bag with leftovers in it (corn and black bean quesadilla). As I passed through the square there were a couple of homeless guys sitting on benches. I definitely knew they were homeless because of the shopping carts with stuff in it and I instantly thought about giving one of them my leftover food. I figured they would definitely appreciate it more than me and was still probably semi-hot. As I walked by something in me held me back from doing so because I wasn't sure if they were going to be appreciative over my gesture or make a mockery out of me because they don't need my pity or want my "leftovers". So I didn't do it. Should I have? Maybe. I think I would have liked to ........ but I didn't. What do you think? Would you have done it? What are the chances that they would have taken it badly and turned my day from being amazing and brought me down a bunch of notches? Anywayz that photo is from this cool site which has a lot of really nice photographs on it; which further backs up the fact that I want a digital SLR.

I joined twitter today; find me BungoBill. Yeah I know I made the leap and figured I should at least get on it and check it out. I found my main man Ryan Adam's twitter page and became a follower of him (which is sickkk).I also am following Dave Matthews, who seems to tweet quite a bit so that should be interesting. I'm excited for this long weekend which is starting real soon. I think I'm heading to an Orioles game tonight with some buddies from softball (don't know if I can stick to my no meat no alcohol rule tonight...) and it's a perfect day / night for a baseball game, yessssss.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Three New Stuff

Here are some more photos taken from over this past weekend. All of these were taken while dining out at Three at the Park which is a cool bistro close to us and is near Patterson Park. There are some good shots of my sisters together; the three of us don't get to hang out very often so it was really nice.

Last night I worked my first shift at the Hudson St. Cafe (HSC - that's what I'm going to call it) and it went really well. It's a very chill place to work and extremely laid back, which is awesomeee. I was serving last night / learning the touch computer system / learning the menu / where things are located / etccc. This Saturday I am bartending 11-6 (my normal shift) but I am doing a good deed and covering the Saturday night shift for someone. So I'll be doing a double and bartending the whole day, which is great. Probably the best way to learn everything, just dive in. It's really really good to get out and work some extra hours, make some side money in cash, be out socializing and interacting with other people, new people, and having fun. I am very happy I got this spot at the cafe.

It's Thursday and fast approaching is a three-day weekend. I am excited to have some days off to do what I will without too many obligations. My sister is out of town which means I have the house to myself... for the most part. I really like having time to myself now and then where I can think and do what I want without any interruption or obligation. Anyways so this weekend is open for possibility other than working a double on Saturday. It feels like a Friday; I wish it was. Today is a good day though and it is so gorgeous outside that when I breathe in and soak in the suns rays I am happy to be alive. The cool crispness that is becoming apparent in the air is rushing inspiration and motivation into my bloodstream at great quantities which has been much needed. The last month or two or maybe even more has shown a repetition of bad habits and a lack of drive, or something. I'm not really quite sure what but it's not until you knew what you were missing that you realize you didn't have it. And I'm very grateful for the weather and change of season right now... I was due.

On the food / eating / drinking front I've been staying good. I haven't had any meat or drank any alcohol since Saturday. Tonight might push me over the edge on the alcohol front though due to peer pressure and social obligation. I don't know - we'll see...