Saturday, February 27, 2010

Real Things


It's now 11:01am on Saturday morning. I have shop set up at what you might call the dining room table in our kitchen. A cup of coffee, my MacBook, and iPhone accompany me. It's in like, a bay window type area so my back is surrounded by all windows. When I woke up this morning I opened up all the shades to let the light flood in. I made some coffee in this crappy mug coffee maker thing we have (I think I'm going to replace this today...). And sat down at the table to have some personal time on the computer, the apartment was quiet (I was the only one up at the time) and just have some "me" time. I wanted to take some time to actually write a post for once, rather than just some chicken scratch at some off time just because. Well this was a few hours ago. And here I am - just getting to the post, haha. Adobe Photoshop steals my attention again! At work I've been doing a lot of design work lately. It has absolutely sharpened up my Photoshop skills and opened up some of the floodgates of creativity, and art design. So as I normally do, I look at some of the images I've saved from to either give me some inspiration or just put in my post to add some life and give all of us a chance to look at it, contemplate it, and see how it could maybe effect our lives for if just a few seconds. Well the Ps logo that sits on my Mac dashboard was staring me right in the face while I was trying to start this post several hours ago. I decided to open her up because we haven't really had a chance to hang out much lately, and then the next thing I know an hour has gone by, my coffee cup is empty, and Trevor is over on the couch reading a magazine. I had created the collage that you see above. I was originally going to just throw one or two of those images on the page, but instead made the collage in Photoshop. I haven't really been using my MacBook much lately. At work I stare at my screen all day, like all day, so I think by the time I get home at night I am toasted. Basically my MacBook has turned into a music station where I use her for her intense iTunes library, and not much more. Since I'm out in the kitchen, and my speakers are in my room, I was playing music from my computer speakers (which don't sound very good) so I just ran into my room and threw on a record. I went over to originally put on Bon Iver - but when I got there I decided to pick something else. I threw on Sky Blue Sky by Wilco instead - I haven't listened to this one much on vinyl.

The reason why I chose some of these images, or maybe the reason why some of the images chose me was because I think I feel a lot of different things when I see them. I feel like each one corresponds to me in some way. The first one is just kind of an old style looking photo with a blurred character in it, sitting outside on a sunny day, writing down her thoughts much like I am right now in my Houston apartment with crazy wigged out hair (I haven't cut my hair in a long time, so it's pretty long and curly, which I haven't done in a long time...). The second and third image are things we all enjoy, well not everyone likes coffee, but a lot of people do. As far as the second image - it's that feeling of waking up in the morning, the sheets / comforter are all over the place, you wake up feel refreshed and not a care in the world, and it's because there's a smiling face two inches away from yours and you wouldn't rather be anywhere else in the world. I know this is something we've all felt. So then after that you guys get up and make some coffee and hang out. So that's how the coffee fits in, and plus I just really like it. The next two images are pretty cool too... the one of the girl on the crowded train is super cool. It reminds me of trying to get back to Brooklyn during rush hour times on the subway. It would get so crowded with people all the time, everyone just packed like sardines in these subway cars. This photo shows an innocent looking girl, somehow caught looking across the train, and caught by the camera, looking out of place, or maybe she's not out of place and completely comfortable. Either way it's pretty cool how she's framed in this crazy frantic subway car while all these people are hustling and bustling around her and for one second in time this person was able to catch her in the midst of madness. The other two images show two people with cameras. The one is a guy with a Rolleflex (a medium format camera that is pretty unique in how you view the image when taking it, and produces a 2x2 inch negative, which is unique because it's a square and not the normal horizontal or vertical format, which totally changes the way you think about framing and taking a photograph) and the other is a girl playfully taking a photo in the mirror of what is probably her room. I just like this one because it's playful, she looks super cute, and seems like a girl I would want to hang out with.

The last image is something that I kind of wish I had in my life. Or... some instance of it.. or ... something. It just reminds me of a bunch of friends waking up on a nice Saturday morning with fresh ingredients making breakfast for each other, having fun, not a care in the world, just there making breakfast and making plans for the day. Nothing beats making a good healthy breakfast with those that you want to be with. It seems like an ideal situation. In a perfect world.

Take care,

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

This photo reminds me of an adventure. Someone going somewhere and it doesn't really matter where because they are not where they were. It has much a On the Road feel to it. It's cool, it's nice, it has a nice feel to it. Makes you feel like it's summer time, adventure time, going places with friends and not a care in the world. All of these things are on one hand far from how I feel because I'm locked down to a full time job... locked in to those 8-5 hours, but on the other hand I am in the middle of an adventure at the same time.

I thought I would be posting on here a lot while I'm here but you know, it has obviously been different than I thought. I've just been so busy with everything that's going on... work has been busy, staying late and meeting up with people from other companies to socialize and do things outside of work. Weeknights there's usually something to do, if not then time to catch up on some laundry, cook some dinner, and relax because it's the work week and every other day is crazy... It's been such a whirlwind that I'm not even sure what to say.. you know? We've been watching the Olympics a lot lately and havin a Canuck as a roommate there has been some inter-apartment country rivalry.. and lots of hockey going on as well.

Well I'm going to go do some reading... I hope to have some more for you soon...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I wanted to write some stuff down real quick while I have a little bit of time. I got back from lunch a little bit ago and just finished up some work. Right now I’m listening to Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones with my headphones on and loving it. We walked next door to the deli and grabbed a sandwich – it’s pretty warm out and sunny, probably in the mid 50’s at least. A lot of people are out of the office today because there’s this big conference going on so it’s pretty quiet. We are heading over to check it out and see an opening presentation by the new president of our department later today. Until then I am going to hang out at my desk, listen to my iPod, continue to do some work, get prepared for a few presentations I have tomorrow morning and, did I mention hang out?
This is the start of my third week here in Texas, can you believe it? It’s going by so quickly already… and I’ve learned so much since I’ve been here. It has been a great experience so far and have made a lot new friends as well. I am sooo glad I made the choice to come, and was given the opportunity to come and do it. My roommate is awesome, I really lucked out by getting him and now I have a friend in Canada I can go visit. It’s really nice when you can develop new friends in different areas of the country… it gives you an excuse and a getaway adventure full of purpose and contentment. I’ve also been seeing this girl that I started hanging out with last weekend and it’s been good so far. I’m intrigued to see how and where things go from here… we hung out and she stayed over three nights in a row this past weekend and early this week. We went to the Zoo on President’s day (which was free!) and had a good time. I couldn’t even remember the last time we went to the zoo so that was pretty cool… I saw an albino alligator. He didn’t move so I think maybe he was just a statue. Or a wax representation of what an albino alligator would look like, hahaha. I think the Orangutans were my favorite, that dude was pretty awesome. He was eating an orange and must have gotten orange juice all over his hand and like, started wiping it on the wooden planks and then started shaking it to dry it or get more of the juice off. He was hilarious. And he like, was just sitting there and would start to make everyone bored. So people would start to shuffle away and that’s when he would get up and start climbing on the ropes and doing all kinds of stuff then everyone would come back and watch him intently… and that’s when he would go back to the orange and just sit there and do nothing. That leads me to believe… or think about who is really in control of this situation? Are we the ones who have this amazingly beautiful and smart animal caged up and on display… or are we the idiots who stand around watching him to do something and he has us eating out of the palm of his hand?? He’s the one laughing at us like hey – I’m going to fuck with them today, hahahhaha. You know??
Well I have to get back to work because things are starting to pick up on this twenty-fifth year of mine.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I feel like I have so much to say and nothing to say at the same time. That there's so much that I want to be that I'm not and so much that I am that I don't want to be. The top image reminds me of a polaroid that one of Jack's buddies took while on the trip of their lifetime. The trip that defines a book like On the Road. That is a feeling. That is something that changes lives. It's something. I want something. I want that something. I want something that defines me. I don't know who I am sometimes. Maybe I know myself too well and don't like what I see. What do others see? All I know is what stares back at me in my mirror that speaks. Sometimes I like it and a lot of other times I don't. I've been listening to Iron & Wine's first album The Creek Drank the Cradle A LOT lately... like a lot. Like... I listened to it every night in the hotels going to sleep while on the road to Texas. Since then I've been throwing on the vinyl side A when going to sleep here. At work the songs will come on randomly because I have my iPod on random and one of the tracks will come on and my heart will just sink and I can't change it. It has become to define me. But anyway I'm getting off track. I am still trying to figure it all out. There's like so much that I want to be that I feel like I'm not... and I'm not sure if I'm on my way to that or not. It's a really difficult thing to accept and overcome and comprehend. Living is definitely difficult and being comfortable being yourself is most important. I want to be me and I want to find someone who wants to be with me.

The second image is another one I found on deviantart and it was entitled My French Girlfriend. She looks so comfortable and at home wherever she is and whoever she is. I think what struck me the most about this image was the title. I guess I was just a little envious. I wish I could post a beautiful image of a beautiful girl and say this is my French girlfriend. I want a French girlfriend. You know? Or better yet.. I want to find someone who I can really connect with and that just clicks. That person that you feel like you were always meant to find and when you do find them you wonder how you ever could do without them. I think about this person all the time and I have no idea where she is. It's one of those things that you can't rush, and you certainly can't go looking for it. So I continue to just be myself and do my own thing and let life take me where it wants to. The song Upward Over the Mountain which is track four on side A of this album and oh my god it just blows me away. It is absolutely so gorgeous and his sound is so amazing. His double tracking voice and harmonizing with himself. Then the slide acoustic guitar comes in with the doubled up guitar parts and stepping guitar part and it just blows me away. It makes me want to cry. Music sometimes makes me want to cry or scream or do something that is incredibly unique and crazy. It feels me with so much emotion that I have to let it out. Have you ever felt that way? I feel like sometimes there's so much going on inside me that I have to let it out somehow. And words can only go so far. It takes raw emotion and physical emotion to let stuff out like that. And sometimes I feel like I'm just going to burst because of all the stuff going on inside. Sometimes I feel like I'm just trying to be what others want me to be. That's not really true but I just typed that so it must be somewhat true. I am myself but at the same time.... maybe I'm just trying to be what I want others to think I am. And it starts fucking with my head and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. So I put on a record and let it take me away....

I can't believe it is Wednesday, February 10th, 2010.

One week to my birthday.... Twenty-Five. I'm turning a quarter of a century. I never thought I'd see the day come. It seems so old... or it used to seem so old. But now I'm here and still swimming around in the same fish bowl. Just with more responsibility, and apparently smarter and more mature.

It's been about a week and a half that I've been living and working in Texas. It feels like much longer than that. Maybe three to four weeks. I've been getting more involved in projects and starting to feel productive. On top of that I've been learning so much about everything going on there it's crazy. It's great though. I feel like I'm really doing something. The people that I work with are great - and we all hang out. The area is pretty happening too. Houston is the fourth largest city in the Country so you can imagine there's trouble to get into. It's very spread out and I don't really like driving around too far - the highway structure and traffic is really annoying.

I have been thoroughly enjoying the Tex-Mex cuisine that is robust around here. I've had to take a break from it for a couple of meals because it lights up my heartburn and other things. It's been a very good experience thus far and I feel like it'll just keep getting better. Continue to learn and get face time with some important people that are around. I'm very grateful for the opportunity and excited for what will happen next. Everyone around the office plays the game "words with friends" that is an app on the iPhone. If you have an iPhone you should get this app and start a game with me - my name is BungoBill. If you do throw your name in the "chat" function and let me know that you got it from my blog.

I am going to continue to do my best and live for the day. Miss my friends. And listen to the tunes.