Saturday, January 22, 2011

Tomorrow Never Knows

Tomorrow Never Knows is a phrase that will live with me for the rest of my life, literally. It is three words that have been etched into the surface of my skin on the underside of my right forearm. It is also a phrase that will always be true because we never know what's going to happen. I think that is one of the aspects of my life that is so exciting and to others kind of scary. For those less fortunate and those more fortunate than others, what tomorrow brings may be very different. But it's that element of surprise that keeps us going. Of course we're all hoping that tomorrow brings all great things that will improve our already flourishing lives. I don't think I could have ever predicted some of the things that have happened and that is really exciting to me. There are a few things that I could name right now, right here, this morning as I type out this post [which is my first in nearly eight months] in my sun-drenched bedroom with an iced coffee next to me and a Nick Drake track playing on my iTunes, that I hope to come true. A few things that I am finding necessary in my day-to-day life that would improve my well being profoundly. But like John Lennon [or more accurately Ringo Starr] said, Tomorrow Never Knows.

The last few months I've occasionally popped onto here and started typing out some words. As I read over their ridiculous configuration of letters and meanings I quickly abandoned any effort of writing some thoughtful paragraph comeback that would make up for my absence from writing on this blog. Although not that many people read this, I wasn't doing it for them, I was doing it for me. And from the time I started this thing to now a lot has changed. Like, a lot. My core is still the same, I won't ever lose/change that. But everything else pretty much has. I went through an interesting time trying to hack it in New York City. It changed me for the better and helped me understand a lot of things about life, happiness, and what's important. I traveled with empty pockets but a big heart from NYC to Baltimore to start a new career and life with my sister. Although slightly devastated from having a playground of five boroughs and 13 million people to a working class city with less than a million people and sharing a small row home [and the same bathroom] with my sister. But it was a great transition and I started a new career. I learned to love Baltimore for it's qualities that are unique and that I now miss. Living with a sibling isn't the easiest but I don't think we could have done it any better. An already established relationship and co-respect for each others styles and personalities, we made it work like the best of them. After a year's worth of trials and tribulations with starting a new career, working part-time at a local bar, relationships come and gone, and lacking a set of true friends, somehow another opportunity opened its door.

Yesterday never knew tomorrow had Texas in mind but somehow this was the foreshadowing of the next chapter that is my life. And here we are... one year later, another year in another city in another state, still by myself, still slightly lonely, and still trying to figure it out. Although there is one front that is being established now better than ever before, there are still others that I'm trying to find. I'd say the three cards in my hand that I want to be all aces would be a good career, a solid set of great friends [local], and a girlfriend. I have one of the three. I am on the hunt for the other two.

... I'm not quite sure why I stepped away from writing for so long. I think at first I was getting caught up in living in the South, hanging out with work friends, lounging by the pool, and thinking I was really cool. I've always used this blog to write out the things that were bothering me. And maybe at the time there wasn't anything bothering me or that I felt that I needed to talk about. But as we all know there are "honeymoon" phases and things change. At the time I had a roommate that I palled around with that, if I could still be his roommate here with everything now being a constant, I would. My current state of life is or would be probably quite boring. I would say my life right now and most of my energies are focused on my career. It's sad but I think during the weeks right now I am "peaking" at work. The weekends are a time for me to spend by myself running at the park, reading, catching up on rest, watching movies, doing stuff with and around my apartment, and getting ready for the upcoming work week. I have not been very social with my cohorts and, for the most part, it's okay with me. I've been trying to get out of the habit of constantly hanging out with people from work, and getting drunk. I feel it's not the best thing for me and am really trying to break out of the habit of hanging out with work people and meet new people, establish new friends, find a girlfriend, and have a separate life. Tomorrow never knows but right now that separate life is me doing things for myself, with myself, and my music. And I'm okay with that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This was absolutely beautiful.